His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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