Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
