you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
