the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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