Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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