The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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