TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
