I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
