My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
