I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
