I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
