There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
