Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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