Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
