No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
