i think my tv is drunk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
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