We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
