u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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