college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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