And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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