Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
