there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
