my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
