So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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