I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
