listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
