Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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