she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize