yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize