White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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