I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
