Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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