i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
