Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
