If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
