im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
