I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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