i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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