I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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