My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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