Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
