I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
