peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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