i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
