I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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