Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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