He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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