apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
