K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
