dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
