I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
