I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
