My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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