The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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