My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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