Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize