Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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