before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
