I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
