btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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