they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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