just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please come you make the beer taste better
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
