if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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