I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
