Betty ford says i'm here all night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
