he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
