We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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