sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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