She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just invented taco cereal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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