I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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