thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
