Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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