Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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