You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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