apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
