woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
