I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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