you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
